Lessons Learned

I don't have a fun crafty project to post today, because I realized that's all I've been writing about lately and the original intent of this blog was to be able to keep up with Logan and me and how our marriage and life is going (and before that, our wedding planning).

So I thought I'd take a minute to reflect on life since our wedding, in honor of us being married for exactly three months today. Wow, it feels like so much longer than that and it went by so fast at the same time!

At church recently a friend asked me what marriage has taught me. And honestly, at that point I had absolutely no answer for her. It was only about a month and a half after our wedding when she asked, and it was still just rainbows and sunshine and smooth sailing.

Not to say at three months I've really figured it all out (Ha! Do we ever?), but I am definitely learning now.

I have put on just a tiny bit of weight since the wedding (you know, the kind only you notice but you feel like everyone can see), and Logan, being the incredibly supportive and encouraging husband he is, suggested that we start exercising in the mornings before I go to work and he starts his freelance day. He said this after many long, whiney conversations of me complaining about it... I don't want you guys to get the idea that he wanted me to lose the weight or anything. :) So we have started doing that, and it feels awesome.

Anyway, the reason I give you that background is because it has also made me incredibly exhausted this week. I was spoiled with nine hours of sleep every night, and now I get seven.. which is still fine, I just haven't adjusted yet. So that being said, it's been kind of a tough week for me in terms of being a wife. Everything is just harder when you don't have a lot of energy.

One night I had made dinner for myself while Logan was out, and crashed on the couch to watch some TV and just relax. Naturally, he came home before I had any time to clean it up, so when he got there I just threw the dishes in the sink so I could spend time with him. Some more background: Logan is the cleanest, neatest person I've ever met. I've heard stories from his mom that he wasn't always this way, but I'm so thankful for his obsession with tidiness because it keeps our home sparkling all the time. So back to the story: I threw the dishes in the sink, knowing that it bothers him when they sit there, and asked if I could wash them in the morning because I was just. that. tired.

He said that was fine, and I went to wash my face and get ready for bed. Okay I'm going into WAYY to much detail here, but anyway.

I put my clothes in the dryer before I went to bed, and those dishes were sitting there. Staring me in my face. And I thought to myself "I do this once. I leave them overnight once, and bam. It's happening all the time. I know this bothers Logan, so I'm just going to go ahead and do them so that neither of us have to think about it tomorrow."

Boom. I learned something.

As I stood there washing those dishes with my sleepy eyes, I thought about all of the ways that I used to show Logan my love, and how marriage has changed that. It used to be making time for him, calling him, listening to him and communicating with him. I used to show him that I cared for him deeply by seeking him out during the day to just give him a kiss or tell him how much I loved him... but that's all different now. We already do those things, because it's a part of our lifestyle now. I don't have to make time for him because our down time is usually already spent together. I don't need to call him because we usually aren't apart for very long. The ways that I show him I love him have now become doing the dishes when I don't want to, because I know it makes him feel at ease. It's putting away the clothes I tried on that I didn't end up wearing to work because I don't want the room to be messy for him while he works there all day. My love manifests in such completely different ways now that we're married, and it's so funny because for so long I just thought those things I'd have to do when we were married was going to be out of shame of me not being as clean as him, or out of embarrassment because I didn't want our friends to think we're messy if they came over. But it's all out of love. Because Logan feels better when I do those things.

I also realized while I drowsily scrubbed my pots and pans, that marriage is a constant struggle to remain patient. At first it doesn't take any work because you're excited and eager to be a great spouse and you just want to bend over backward for them. But then you get tired and bogged down with work and the pace of life, and having someone else to constantly think about can just wear on you. It's a beautiful wearing because you love them so deeply, but it isn't always easy. It doesn't always come naturally.

I mean, we're definitely still in the honeymoon phase. I still wake up and think "This is the most exciting thing ever!" laying next to him, but it definitely has started feeling more like a journey now, and less like a weekend retreat.

So now that I have consciously (that's debatable, given my state when I realized these things) realized what I have learned so far in our marriage, I am working to do more of those little things for Logan.. like cooking him dinner and taking out the trash instead of waiting for him to. And I feel renewed in my patience, after having it prematurely wear thin.

And although it's been a growing experience, don't you dare get me wrong. Marrying my sweetie was the best decision I ever made! :)

Hope you're enjoying this sunny Thursday,

Jill