A Quiet Life

I'm a doer. I may be disorganized in my doing, or my doing may be characterized by passionate bursts followed by a quick change to something else... but I like to, as I say, "busy my hands" with something at all times. 

But in this season, the Lord has slowly called me to trim my life of the fat. Slowly, slowly - almost so I didn't even notice - He has nudged me to say no to things, to end chapters, to make room to breathe. It is beautiful and frightening. Fulfilling and challenging. I am watching so many around me do big, bold things, and I long to "get back in the game" - doing doing doing.

But He says, Be still.

I am yearning to accomplish. To bring ideas to life. To create. To produce. To busy my hands.

But He says, Be still.

I feel this quiet voice urging me to remain in Him, instead of in doing. To take this time of silence and rest and learn everything I can in it. I keep hearing Him say, "Not yet. Be still." and I am doing my very best to listen and lean into this. It doesn't come naturally to me, and I keep finding myself lacing up my metaphorical sneakers in preparation to take off on a new idea or goal, only to hear that quiet voice again. It's difficult not to look around and feel like this place in my journey is less worthy or valuable as the place others are. Generally, obedience is marked by action, and instead of doing, my obedience is marked by not doing. I feel the need to validate why I'm not doing, why I'm resting, why I am seemingly absent from business and hustle. But again, the quiet voice reminds me: just be still.

So I'm living a quiet life, for however long He asks me to. Days filled with dishes and laundry and long toddler cuddles and cleaning up spilled milk and no other immediate responsibilities. It's a relief and a struggle all at the same time, but I think it's supposed to be that way. I will continue listening amidst the quiet, and fighting to prepare myself in this rest for when He finally says, "Let's go."